The work principles at GS
After some thought into the renowned business principles of GS, I thought it important to share the practical work principles that are seen from the view point of lateral hires. Lateral hires are the underclass at GS and face hurdles at many points until they exit and truly hope this offers a window to some who my be deciding on options of joining or leaving GS.
First, please note that as a “Lateral Hire” you are called a risk to GS as you do not carry the CULT ture of GS. This will not be known in your welcome package but you will realize this a few months later.
The Work Principles
1. Never take a stand on anything. Follow the tenured GS folks who will never take a stand as they know that winds can flow in all directions. It’s better to stand and watch as your convictions are withered away but all is well with your career path. Be always in the hedge mode.
2. Appear to be as detail oriented and technical as possible. Focus on the detail on page 8 of a presentation and highlight a certain unknown regulation or regulatory aspect. You are always technical. Just simply a technical person who clearly loves the details! I was simply bothered that no body worried about the clause at the end of page 11 that has profound implications for the program trading business! Yes you now have their attention now back it up with what you have to say. Say it fast as if the train is ready to leave the station. Then state we should discuss this tomorrow when we can get some time! You now have the attention of some senior folks in the next 24 hours. Bad news travels fast at GS.
3. Use words and lingo such as “remit” “opportunity set” “mandate” with the right frequency and with cautious pragmatism. Use the word “post” instead of “told” or “said”. I posted him not told him or her.
4. Be prepared with your story of rags to riches. This is the favourite topic of partners of how their humble beginnings now seem a distant past considering current status, wealth, position and self-acclaimed respect in society.
5. Proclaim how naive you were before you joined the oasis of wisdom. Proclaim that your wisdom now stands corrected. Your life truly began only when you joined this oasis otherwise it was merely your imagination. Yes this is the corporate version of the Benny Hill show.
6. Never speak about what you learned before you joined GS, it’s simply not applicable. It was already known and has been factored in. Just as you never talk about your old pagan religion in front of Benny Hill.
7. Remember that people are human capital that can be positioned. You can go “long” or “short” on people as with trades. They are just a different form of trade. Every year people are traded like cattle graded using quartiles.
Q1 - Cult centric smart folks who will trade in all their values at the altar of GS. They have few things they will stand for. Quite malleable in opinions as long as it meets their career goals. They can get away with almost anything. Many Q1s are truly smart but not all Q 1s. Some Q1s are there because of political winds such as diversity (a potential story for GS 4 years from today as to how GS made their life from rags to riches albeit all social disadvantages example a widow, a refugee from Syria, may be an LGBT who escaped persecution in their home country etc)
Q2 - Want to be more Q 1 like but not quite there. They are supported politically.
Q3 - Smart people that work hard but not quite visible as they are the ones in boiler room powering the firm and not in front of the press
Q4 - Smart lateral hires who have not found political support from the Cult as yet. They were leaders in prior organisations and have made a difference elsewhere but are not GS ready. They have opinions and may think independently and offer them unknowingly as they have yet to realize that there is a discount factor applied to any and all they have to offer and say.
Q5 - Essentially Q4s who have never been coached or supported. Political underclass who have not tasted the flavour of the quarter or year.
8. In the US we always hear it’s not what you know but who you know that matters. Although loudly proclaimed as not being the case at GS. GS is really the epitome of that statement. GS would widely proclaim that face time does not matter. However, Face time is selectively offered to Q 1 s without the rest of Quartiles knowing about it and believing that face time does not matter.
9. There are few true friends here. There are acquaintances. A few people will stand up for what’s right even when the winds blow strongly at them. They have usually left to join other organisations. They become friends when they leave GS.
10. You are told that GS should be the top 3 priorities in your life. Family or your partner being one of the three. Please refer to Principle 7. You are never quartiled in your family so GS cannot even be close to your Family as a priority.
11. Please do not manage people well. The worse you are with people the more technical you are as you really have no time to focus on your soft skills. You are headed to be the next Co-Head of a Division. Remember capital stays and can live to be long term greedy; people die eventually after they pass on capital and know-how of how to build capital (this is also known as succession planning or “take out planning “
12. Women, complete a major project in the last trimester and then head out on maternity leave. You can come back two years later as part of the return ship program. Men you cannot compete in this arena. Even if you complete a similar project and take leave to take care of an ailing parent you have no chance of return ship as this is not the flavor of the decade.
13. How do you know all is well with your career. You do not. You never know where you stand as the winds can blow in any direction. Once this uncertainty is part of your DNA it will ensure you try harder like the honey bee that is trying to predict the wind direction.
14. Culture Careers; Expat Therapy- Become an Expat;this is the best career move you can make. Move to another country and make sure you claim that this is some serious stress for you and family. State how you had to use bottled water to brush your teeth to protect yourself and family while the commoners in the vicinity had to travel to collect drinking water from nearby sources. It does not matter what others do you are truly the expat that matters. You will be airlifted to safety albeit after your promotion for the stress you took for safe drinking water. Make sure you make some noise about local practices such as the caste system in India, lack of public transportation. If you are an expat in the US, you cannot talk about how African Americans are still not safe at police hands or that American schools are unsafe for your children just as you had felt the need for bottled water to brush your teeth you will not find the “bottled water version” of American schools.
Culture Careers
In the first month of your expat assignment offer some deep insights on the country and the firm in that country. For example, in India confirm what others have proclaimed previously in the first month of assignment. The place is hierarchical and respects you more than you deserve and therefore your co-head even more than he deserves (she here is inappropriate as that would mean that India is not sexist). People will not escalate problems beyond their Manager as it goes against culture norms. This statement would generally help you in extending your assignment as you have still not careered sorry carried the culture of GS to the locals. In addition, this statement may help you continue having oversight for India from NY or London or elsewhere. Quickly talk about how your Housemaid was courteous to you and family beyond your expectations in arrogant NY. Explain the help you offered the maids son in Math and learning computer skills. If you have pictures preferably in local attire as this could be in the next global newsletter. (Very Trudeau!)
Once you train the locals to escalate make sure they escalate to you and not to your boss as that could mean they are not yet fully GS cultured.
In your going away speech, proclaim how yoga and India have changed you significantly. (especially till you reach your Tribeca apartment and you order your Decaf Latte at Starbucks that is priced more than the daily wage of you courteous maid who continues to rant to neighbors about your computer lessons to her son)
In your flight back to NY think about the careers besides yours that you have helped make, especially that person in the corner who you did not connect with as they just kept doing their job well (Q3) and did not socialize or escalate anything to you. He is doing well and has left GS for a start up analytics firm working on AI.
